i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

 Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.

 

 I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

 When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Today has been a day full of tears, broken hearts, and mourning. My beloved Belle passed away. I've spent the day thinking of memories, mourning my loss, and wishing that somehow things could be different. This sweet cat has changed my life. She has been the most loving, nurturing, sweet presence in my every day.

For the last seven and a half years, she has brought smiles to nearly everyone who interacted with her. She insisted on being in the same room I was in - even if it meant she had to be uncomfortable. I would often wake up from naps with her laying on my side, paws stretched up to touch my chin. She loved giving kisses - and I often got rough kitty kisses on my chin, forehead, hands, arms, legs. Today she gave Luc his last kisses. I wish I'd had a video camera - he walked up to her, lowered his head, and let her give him kisses on his forehead.

Casey and I took her to the vet this afternoon, where she did a combination of passing on her own and had some help from anesthesia. It was horribly painful, but at the end of the day I know my baby girl is no longer suffering. As we buried my sweet girl in my parents' backyard, I thought of the above poem (which I actually remembered from the movie Country Strong). And for the rest of the evening, as I've held Belle's collar, snuggled with my other pets, remembered so many wonderful things about my girl and cried a million tears, I kept thinking of e.e. cumming's poem and the last line: i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart).

So there it is, Miss Belle. You've enriched my life in more ways than I can say. I miss you already. And I'll always carry your heart in mine. Thank you for being mine.